GM to Move to China, Sell Cars Through Walmart

GM will release each car in only three to four basic colors: Walmart blue, silver, white, and black. Car models shown above are the Chevy Express Van, the Chevy Cobalt Coupe, the Cadillac CTS, the Pontiac G5, and the Saturn ASTRA. Other models will also be sold.

In a surprise move, American auto maker General Motors Corp. announced at a press conference today that it will be relocating to China as a cost-cutting measure, expecting to save the company fifty percent in production costs.

Former CEO, Rick Wagoner, will also be rehired as Director of Chinese manufacturing operations. Wagoner, who was asked to step down by the Obama Presidential administration on Monday, has currently been retained by the Board of Directors as a consultant, but was not present at the press conference. “Wagoner has some great ideas to save money,” says GM President, Frederick A. Henderson, “We can’t implement these cost saving measures here at home. We have no choice but to move overseas.”

Wagoner, who was taking some “R and R” time off at Cocoa Beach, stopped to talk to reporters during his vacation.

“With benefits, auto workers cost $55 per hour here in the United States. By moving to China, we can pay as little as $2 per hour for the same work. This will save us roughly $1,300 per car alone,” explained Wagoner.

The move is slated to happen in late June when the company will begin shipping their auto manufacturing equipment to China. “We gave the union their notice today,” grinned Wagoner.

Plant closures across North America are expecting to lay off 148,000 employees in the United States and 12,000 employees in Canada. “We’re keeping the factories open in Mexico for now,” said Henderson. These employ roughly 13,000 people.

Most American based jobs are located in northern states, such as Michigan, which will lose 54,459 jobs alone.

However, Governor Charlie Crist said that even Florida will feel the impact of the layoffs. “When you think of auto workers, you think Detroit. But distribution and manufacturing facilities are spread out all over the country, including one in Jacksonville where I’ve been notified that 111 employees will lose their jobs.” 1,098 employees will also be laid off from the Doraville, Georgia facility; 96 from the Jackson, Mississippi facility; and 1,975 from the Shreveport, Louisiana facility.

“Other than labor, there are other savings we’ll reap by moving to China,” said Wagoner. “Raw materials are cheaper. Even the building costs are extraordinarily low,” he explained. “And there’s less bureaucracy to slow down production.”

Cal Rapson, United Auto Workers vice president director for the GM unit, said he was disappointed that GM was moving out of the United States. “This reflects a common trend in manufacturing. They really don’t save that much off the cost per car by using non-union labor, so there must be another reason they’re moving,” he added.

Rapson says he assumes that Wagoner is hoping to cut corners on expensive safety standards. “Not just for the workers, for the final product,” he says. “You won’t know if a car was built correctly with air bags and crash resistant door pillars until you need them and they don’t work,” said Rapson. “Buyers underestimate what union workers do. They care. They’re the eyes and ears of the industry making sure products are safe. They buy them for themselves, their family. Their kids ride around in the cars, so they care. That’s a bargain, if you ask me,” he said.

Despite criticism that GM cars are gas guzzlers, Waggoner announced that GM does not plan to make cars any more energy efficient. “As long as gas prices are low, people like to buy big cars. We give the people what they want,” he said.

Bo I. Andersson,
GM Group Vice President, said that GM plans to save additional costs by the slow and gradual phase out of local car dealerships. “Dealers represent about fifty percent of the sticker price,” he said. “We want to eliminate that.”

Andersson said the idea had been circulating for a long time, but it took desperate times to bring it to fruition, “Buyers we surveyed said they would be willing to trade personal service for a lower price,” said Anderson. “Most of them know what they want to buy before they even walk on the lot. They don’t want to haggle with a salesperson. They want to go in, pay their money, and drive out.”

Andersson said Walmart was the perfect choice for GM. “They already deal with a great deal of manufacturers in China. Their system is streamlined and efficient to keep costs low. They specialize in customer service,” he added, “And, they’re successful.” Walmart stock was trading at 52.10 per share yesterday, compared to 1.94 per share for GM.

“We’ve been testing the waters,” said Andersson, who said that a test sales outlet, Live X Auto Exchange in a Phoenix, Arizona Walmart, has been in place since October 2008. “We kept it quiet, sold other cars as well as GM so as not to alert the dealers that this might be coming down the pipeline.”

No dealers were present to comment. “We haven’t hammered out the details, yet. We’ll offer them some sort of compensation,” said Henderson.

Walmart spokesman, Gregory B. Penner, who serves on the Board of Directors and on the Strategic Planning and Finance Committee, said that Walmart is looking forward to working with GM. “This was a surprise to us, but we’re happy to accommodate them. They build quality cars.”

Penner said that only a small number of cars will be stocked at each Walmart store, “mostly for display.” He explained that most vehicles will be stored offsite at a warehouse, “but available at a moment’s notice,” he said. “When someone buys a car, GM will flatbed-tow it to the Walmart by the time the paperwork is filled out.”

Penner said that a special in-store boutique will be established within one Walmart store in each major metropolitan or regional area by January of 2011. “Similar to the optical shop,” he said. Buyers will place their order at the counter, process their payment, and fill out necessary paperwork.

“Loans will be handled through GM,” added Henderson.

“That was a condition,” said Penner. “GM can make more money on interest than on the car itself,” he said.

Andersson also said some products will change. “To keep inventory low, we won’t offer options. Every car will be built basically the same with all the same bells and whistles. It’s cheaper to just put every feature on every car.” OnStar, the safety feature which allows drivers to push a button for directions, will be included on each car.

GM will reduce it’s array of eight colors per model and instead, offer each vehicle in three basic colors of black, silver, and white.

Other colors will only be available on select models or for promotional purposes. “Such as buying a cherry red Chevy Cobalt for your wife on Valentine’s Day,” explained Andersson.

“Walmart blue will be offered on most family car models,” added Penner.

Test drives will not be available at Walmart stores. Instead, vehicles will be showcased at traveling expositions, “similar to the county fair,” said Andersson. Vehicles will also be available as rental cars “so that buyers can truly test drive a car over several days.”

Service will continue to be performed by certified GM mechanics, but at local shops where independent mechanics can attend a school to be certified. Parts for fix-it-yourselfers will be sold exclusively through Walmart.

With all the cost cutting measures, GM expects to save about sixty five percent of the sticker price.

However, consumers can only expect to save about ten percent. “We can lower prices slightly to be competitive with the other car makers, but actually make a higher profit in the long run,” said Henderson.

(If you haven’t figured it out yet, Happy April Fools Day!  Most numbers are real or based on calculations of actual car production costs, employment numbers, etc. All interviews were manufactured for this scenario and I apologize in advance for putting actions and words in people's mouths. But, this could happen. Think about it! – Smart Spark)

Shopping Cart Etiquette

My biggest pet peeve – not putting back your cart. A photo of a Walmart parking lot by Tara Leigh Cobble shows carts unceremoniously abandoned by shoppers.

While you browse for your turkey, pumpkin pie, and stuffing ingredients this holiday season, please be considerate of your fellow shopper. Follow the “rules of the aisle,” just as you might follow the “rules of the road” while driving.

CART STEALING

While shopping in Lowes one weekday evening when the store was not very busy, I warned my husband to not let his lumber cart out of his sight. I’ve been a victim of cart stealing in the past and for some reason, a little voice warned me that our cart was in danger of being nabbed. I learned long ago that you have to put something – anything – in your cart, just so that no one walks away with it.

We traversed the seemingly mile-long warehouse, picked out some light bulbs near the entrance, a sink stand in the plumbing aisle, and backtracked to the appliance department so we could pick out a new refrigerator (ours was moaning like a ghost) before picking up shelving board – the reason we got the lumber cart instead of a regular cart. My husband parked the cart near the replacement stove burners where we could keep an eye on it. We then entered the maze of dishwashers, stoves, and washing machines and worked our way back to the taller appliances.

Sure enough, the cart was nabbed the moment we had our heads turned. Fortunately, the items we had painstakingly selected were discarded by the thief, unceremoniously piled up on top of the small appliance shelves. We went through the store attempting to find the perpetrator, someone driving a lumber cart with a squeaky left front wheel, but were unable to pin down the perpetrator. Was it the roofer with two assistants or the Sunday deck builder? Perhaps we’ll never know.

This wasn’t the first time I had been victimized in such a fashion. A few years earlier I lost my cart in a department store during harried Christmas shopping. I was not so lucky that particular time, for I could not find all my items and had to start over at the front of the store, reselecting what I could. I later found in someone else’s cart, the unique wrapping paper I’d picked out – the last roll with that print – and confronted the driver of that cart. The woman was very apologetic, but swore she picked it up from a shelf and didn’t steal the actual cart.

What kind of person would do this? – perhaps the same thoughtless person who parks their car in the loading zone so that when you want to load your lumber, you can’t find a place to park. (If you’re that decrepit, get a handicapped tag so that you can legally park close to the door.)

Of course, if you take a cart by accident, it is quite forgivable. I myself stole someone’s cart yesterday in Costco (a thousand apologies).  I had stopped for a complimentary sample of roast turkey and parked my cart loaded with prepared Thanksgiving delights in the precooked meat aisle. I left with what I thought was my cart, got a few aisles over, and realized my shrimp was missing and in its place, a bundt cake. I quickly retraced my steps and found the bewildered older couple whose cart I had accidentally nabbed. “Every item is identical except one,” I explained, “I’m so, so sorry.” They were relieved to know it was an honest mistake and they would not have to start their shopping over.

If you are in the back of a store and happen to see an empty cart sitting alone in an aisle, please announce loudly, “Is this anyone’s cart? I’d like to use it if not. Excuse me, ma’am, did you see anyone using this cart? Sir, did you?” and so on... If no one comes forward to claim it, feel free to take it, for you can rest assured that you did the best you could. If someone comes back to claim it, offer to go up to the front of the store and get them another cart.

SHARE THE ROAD

While navigating packed grocery store aisles, please keep to the right. Otherwise, you are asking for a nasty traffic jam, perhaps with bumped children’s shins and snagged clothing.

SLOW TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT

Drive on the right and don’t be offended if someone zooms past you. They probably need to get home to rescue the turkey from a house packed with in-laws that believe that cats should eat off the dining room table with the humans.

NO LOITERING

This is Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas – thirty days of the biggest feasting of the year. You have to grab and go, grab and go. Don’t be picky. Move along. If you don’t think your indecisiveness is a problem, turn and look deep into the pleading and very tired eyes of those shoppers politely waiting for you to move forward. If that doesn’t grab at your heartstrings, you might as well have frozen peas for feelings.

My solution, park your cart somewhere out of the way and go into the aisle sans cart. That way, you can take your time browsing the various varieties of cranberry drink in search of the only one that actually contains 100% real cranberry juice.

OFF THE ROAD DRIVING

Carts are not intended for fast food lines, lottery ticket lines, dining areas, and the tire sales lobby. If you want a Polish hot dog, put your groceries away in your car and go back to the fast food line. If you must keep your cart near you, put it somewhere out of the way such as up against a wall or on the side of a freezer.

PROPER SIGNALING

Whoever said that you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar must have been talking about grocery store etiquette. If you need to turn against traffic, stop, look into the eyes of the oncoming driver, and ask nicely, “Do you mind if I go down this aisle?” Add a sweet smile, and they will melt like butter on homemade rolls, stop, and kindly let you pass.

TAILGATING

We sometimes become bullies driving metal boxes with wheels, whether behind the wheel of a Hummer SUV or behind the wheel of a metal grocery cart. It’s easy to push our way into lines, jump in front of others, and force our way into places we would never feel comfortable going if we didn’t have a cart to protect us.

It happens frequently. I’m in line, unloading my groceries while the cashier is still checking out the customer in front of me, and I feel the cold metal nudge of a cart on my backside. The shopper behind me is in a hurry and imagines that by pushing on my buttocks with their cart, they will somehow get through the line faster. Of course, this never works. This isn’t a two-lane freeway and I couldn’t “get over,” even if I wanted to.  Pushing on me won’t speed up the the cashier or the customer in front of me, just as tailgating me with your car and flashing your lights at me when I’m stuck behind a slow poke myself won’t do any good, either.

WHOOPS! WRONG EXIT

You are now in line, your groceries piled on the conveyer belt, and you just remembered you forgot to pick up that one item that you came to the store to buy – the Dijon mustard. You panic “I must have the mustard!” and run blindly back to the condiment aisle to find the rare imported French mustard that makes your pigs in a blanket hors d’oeuvres perfect. In the meantime, the clerk is about to begin ringing up your order, only to discover that the person standing in line before them is not intending to pay for this fine array of groceries. What to do? What to do? Everyone exchanges looks and the clerk debates whether or not to void the whole order and toss all the groceries in a cart for return.

Just like on the road, if you’ve already started down the exit, you have really no choice but to keep going. Buy the groceries, put them aside by the manager’s office or service desk (keep your receipt with you) and explain to the person in charge that you forgot something. Buy the mustard in the express lane. It’s the only decent thing to do.

PARKING YOUR CART

When I arrived in Florida, I was shocked to see a Walmart grocery store parking lot strewn with dozens of carts amidst the parked cars. A lone cart sat in the cart corral, where one conscientious person cared enough to put it away. I watched as shopper after shopper unloaded their groceries, then pushed their carts aside, onto curbs, between cars, in bushes, and sometimes just abandoned them behind other cars (who might hit them), despite the cart corral being located only a few feet away.

The behavior was more than mind boggling. I had never seen anything like it before, despite living in several states including North Carolina and Washington State and shopping at grocery stores from Alaska to California where customers sometimes take their carts all the way back up to the store entrance.

Apparently, Florida is not the only state where this is a problem, as indicated in Tara Leigh Cobble’s photo from a Walmart parking lot in Sugarland, Texas. My theory is that perpetrators feel less guilty about not putting their carts away in a flat parking lot (as opposed to a sloped one) since they assume the cart can’t roll into a parked car. However, I still find myself pulling into a parking spot, only to discover a stray cart hidden from view that I must maneuver around or attempt to gently nudge out of the way with my bumper.

Grocery carts can do considerable damage to a car. I used to joke that my car had only been hit twice – by shopping carts. It was hit once in a Kmart lot on a hill in Raleigh, NC, when a stray cart went rolling, rolling, rolling down the hill and went *SMACK* into the rear passenger side of my car. It was hit again in a grocery store parking lot in Seattle where I tripped in a pot hole and did the damage myself to the other rear side. In both cases, I was able to remove most of the dent, but a slight crease remained and the paint didn’t match up quite right.

Perhaps the biggest inconvenience is felt among those with the least ability to manage stray carts – the disabled. I was mortified to see carts jamming the center sidewalk access between handicapped parking rows. I once took several minutes to clear a path for a woman with a cane who was practically in tears when she discovered she could not get through the mishmash of abandoned carts.

JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD

There are no “cart” police. Our fine American Democracy allows numerous freedoms and these freedoms come with responsibilities. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Remember the golden rule, “Treat others as you would have them treat you,” or in this case, “Don’t do something to others you wouldn’t want them to do to you.”

Happy Feast Holidays!